Sleep Obsession

I look forward to a time when I am not constantly missing sleep, counting the hours I sleep, the number of times I wake and starting the day when it still feels like night. I know a lot of it is about attitude and there have been periods where I'm probably not getting more sleep than at the moment but I've not been tired and obsessive about sleep the way I am right now. When other stuff is going on aside from the everyday things I really realise just how much I need to sleep more. My concentration isn't too good and my memory is pretty below par too.

Lucy has always slept for long stretches. There was even a time where I had to wake her up some mornings if we needed to go out early. Sigh!! Anna was a 'high need' baby who seemed to hate to sleep. She only started to reliably go through the night when Phoebe was a few months old. Phoebe wakes to nurse at night, I can deal with this, I accept it's normal and in her best interests and as we co sleep it's not overly disruptive to my sleep (teething and colds aside!), no, it's not the nights - it's the ridiculously early mornings.

People have commented on my wearing full make up and being super organised in the mornings on the way to school. That is what happens when you have up to three hours tol fill before you leave the house! If you ever see me minus mascara running up the road 5 minutes late you will know that day was a rare and longed for day where I got to sleep in until a more sociable hour! Looking on the bright side I admit it's a good feeling to return from drop off to no pots in the kitchen, a load of washing already done with a tired toddler in tow who will sleep all morning allowing me to get on with stuff and even enjoy a nice cuppa. However I would like her to kip a bit longer so that we can sometimes go out in the mornings without her being very tired!

Ho hum!

long time no blog!

I just haven't had time for ages, I never sit still long enough to write a great deal, life got extra bisy when Phoebe started to walk way back in August.

Anyway I'm back today to share something Anna (aged 4) is worrying about.....I'll record the conversation we had:

Anna: One day will I die? (no idea where this has come from!)

me: Yes, nobody lives forever, I'm sure it won't be for a very, very long time though

Anna: Will you die mummy?

me: yes, we all die one day, but not for a very long time, my mummy and daddy are still alive so I'm sure I'll be around to see you have your own babies and watch them grow up.

Anna: (starts to cry a little bit) I don't want you to die, I need you to look after me

me: I'm really sure you won't need looking after cos you'll be all grown up, you will have your own house by then

Anna: (sobbing) I don't EVER want to have my own house, I want to stay here with you, Daddy, Lucy and Phoebe!

Me: (now cuddling Anna) that's lovely sweetheart, you might feel differently when you're a grown up, we'll all live together for a very long time before you even THINK about living in your own place

She seemed reassured to I popped out of the room to get a drink....and heard her say 'Lucy, when we grow up can we live in a house together?' I didn't hear Lucy's reply. I returned to the dining room and Anna asked me if she'll be able to cook pasta whenever she likes when she's a grown up (yes) and said maybe we'll all live in a row of houses and go to each others' houses for tea every day.

I don't know what's brought this on. Just lately Jade Goody has been on my mind a lot as it's so heartbreaking for her and her kids, she's only 27 and they're 4 and 5. I know someone else who's lost their partner/kids' mother too. I haven't spoken about any of this in front of my children so it's kind of spooked me out slightly that Anna's talked about this today.